JustJests

  I'm old enough to remember when dogs roamed free in the streets. Now we can't even go to a park off-leash. Same for cats -- imprisonment -- but we can't even go to parks at all. Who's behind this mean-spirited house-arrest? I don't know, I call them the Tailaban. LATER Cat:  You're trailing a leash. So they took you on a walk. Where? Bistro? Gastro?  Dog:  Pet-ro. They took me to the dog park -- full of posturing urban glamour dogs wearing designer dog-jackets. Me, I was in my same old coat. It was like a fashion show cat-walk. Cat:  Cat-walk?  Cats don't get to go on walks. Where are the cat parks? Parks aren't all great, some are all rules, like 'Leash Only'. You want to be on a cat leash? WHAT ??!   I'm old enough to remember when dogs roamed free in the streets. Now we can't even go to a park off-leash. Same for cats -- imprisonment -- but we can't even go to parks at all. Who's behind this mean-spirited house-arrest? I don&

  MOTHERS' DAY Thank Goddess it's Sunday, Hermen. Philosophy Cafe's "Happy Hour" day. No food though, Witch. It's "Mother's Day", so it's Ma's day off. Today she's on the other side of the counter. Lucky her, she even gets to share Best Table Forever with that tiresome Old Soak. Me, I've had the very mother of a lousy week, so a glass of wine without food is fine by me. Bubbly, of course. Right-oh: some bubble-bubble for Madama Nocturna. Do you think you drink to overcome childhood trauma? After all, you grew up with a lot of weird sisters. No. I drink because I like drinking. You sound like a nagging therapist, Hermen. It's all very well being Hermen Eutic, but sometimes there can be too much meaning  I like the mysterious. And why can't Happy Hour just be an hour of happiness? Why does it have to be about escaping trauma? Whatever happened to uncomplicated pleasure?  The therapy industry complicated it. What about  your

Cafe Philosopher: I had the weirdest dream last night, Hermen. Hermen: That doesn't surprise me. Your waking life is pretty weird too. Philosopher: As you know, I live alone, and in my dream, since I have no spouse, offspring or partner, I thought of getting a companion pet. But they leave hairs everywhere and need walks, so I got a companion ghost instead. Good plan! It was genderless and skeptical. "I doubt you really exist," it told me as moonlight spilled in through my uncurtained window. "Speaking ontologically," I told the ghost, "that's a pretty meaty philosophical proposition from a ghost." "Okay, on to logic then," said Ghost. "How rational would it be for me to assume you exist? You may be a mere figment of my ghostly imagination." "A mere figure on the mindscape ... yes. But I figure the answer's too elusive to grasp so late at night. Let's discuss it in the morning." "I'm not much of a morn

-- I was tired. -- You're always tired -- like a cartoon cat that sleeps all day. Y ou do look a bit drawn. -- Because I'm tired. I've been busy. It's hard work being an influencer. -- Can dogs be influencers too? -- I hope not. -- How do you be one? -- By example. Haven't you seen my face on a thousand comic greeting cards? -- Of course. The face that launches a thousand quips on cards for Crazy Cat Ladies to buy for other Crazy Cat Ladies. -- Why not? I'm a Crazy Lady Cat. -- Yes. And I'm a Sane Gentleman Dog. -- I thought you were a guard dog. What do you see outside this window, watching all day? -- Tons of stuff you know nothing about, since you're usually asleep. -- I'm dreaming. I'm a Weekend Worrier. I have to work things out, and then share my wisdom with the world. -- You should start a mogcast. But you don't see what I see because I look out the window. -- And you see what? -- Well, did you know there are hens in that yard across t

  You know what day it is, Hermen? No, Witch. Should I? Did Hesiod mention it? My job is all WORKS OF DAYS. Stoically, I never take a play day. This one 's the longest day. Sol's Day. So  w ho's Saul? Gloomy old desert scholar, was he? No. Sol! The Sun! It's the summer solstice, when the sun's at its highest point of the year and the shadows at their shortest at noon, as Ovid put it . Oh, Ovid. More sybaritic than stoic, that one. Well, t he shadows have to be at their shortest some time, you gloomy old git. It's fact.  Truth. Yeah? "Veritas"? Is it in your vino?  The sun was certainly in the grapes. Meaning what? Vino is vino, truth is illusion. What do you mean, "meaning what"? You want epistemology? Yes. IS there truth in wine? You mean, in inebriation? Fine, if we need five syllables where one would do. T ruth is in loquacity . Oh great, another four. Wine makes people talk, makes them loquacious. And they tend to reveal … truths. Or fict

Hi, I'm your waiter, Hermen Eutics.                           Would you like today's special? Customer: Special what, Hermen? Hermen: Special Dish of the Day. Customer: No thanks, I'm just waiting. H:     How many are you expecting? C:     How many what? H:     People in your party. C:      I'm not waiting for anyone. I'm just waiting. H:      (frown, pause)  Oh. Well, me too, but then I'm the waiter. So: call me when you've decided eh? C:     Decided what? H:     What you're having. We have very good donuts. C:     Having? I'll have to wait and see.  H:     ( sighs )  Right ... another philosopher ... **************** ( LATER) Hermen: So, you're still here. Customer: Yes. Hermen:  So ... what are you doing? Customer:  Just waiting. H:     For what? Midnight? A text? A phone call? A bus? A new life? The end of your life? C:     No, I'm just waiting to see what happens next, and escaping the need for events, answers, results, information ...