JustJests

Old veterinarians never die -- unless they euthanize themselves. Old blind people never die, they don't see the point. Old funeral directors never die, they undertake to live forever. Old euphemisms never die, they don't even pass away, meet their maker, breathe their last or push up daisies. Old physiotherapists never die -- that would be a stretch. Old mathematicians never die -- count on that. Old statisticians never die -- at least it's not probable. Old golfers never die, they just lose their drive. Old hikers never die, they just seem over the hill. Old drummers never die, they just miss a beat. Old playwrights never die, they prefer a surprise non-ending. Old comedians never die, they just lose their eQUIPment. (Old jokes never die, they resurrect in new versions ...)

How many shy cartoon characters does it take to change a light bulb?      One, but you have to draw him out. How many car-haters does it take to hitch a ride?     All of them. L'autostop: Stop the auto, I want to get on! How many selves does it take to change genders?     Indeterminate. The changer, the changee, and a chorus of "allies" How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?      One,as long as his learned friend helps him. How many judges does it take to change a light bulb?      One, since he has a Bench to stand on. Why did the judge cross the road?      He has to see both sides. Why did the comedian cross the road?      To see what the judge was up to. Why did the chicken cross the road?      To get away from the bike lane. Why did the stutterer cross the road?     Because he c-c-could. Why did the trans activist cross the road?      T...

From the Tao Te Ching: "Recognize simplicity, reduce possessions, diminish desires." ... find inner peace And then there's "ataraxicat" (Ataraxia: tranquility). Such innate wisdom in animals. We should emulate them more. Is that why some people have "spirit animals"?  

Why did the bear limp in spring? He had a hibernated disc.  Relax, its' winter -- let your standards slip and your slippers stand. Here's a verse to read the kids: Slumber safely, animals, dreaming bees and crocodiles, The sun now up will soon go down, and night spread hush on field and town Nothing makes a season stay, 'Until next time' we always say, As Earth the Mother turns from Sun we bid adieu, one to one:           "Later 'gator”, and Antelope,           Manana Panda, we faithfully hope         And toodle-oo Kangaroo,         See ya soon, Arctic Loon        You're starting to nod,        Gastropod                                                               Bonne nu...

  -- Could I have the key to the washrooms please? -- We don't have one - there's no Locke. -- Oh ... right ... -- I don't  know which to use. What's the one on the right? Is there a User's Manual? -- No. And from a business trans-action point of view, I daren't advise you. Dunno anything about the one on the right. Mis-Labelling is Violence. Do I want to be arrested?  Ask yourself what would Epictetus do? What would Marcus Aurelius do? -- I don't know -- what? -- One of four things, I suppose -- as listed on the Menu Board. There's an APPetizer for that. -- Right ... I'd heard your specialty is Chicken Mumbo-Jumbo. Sounds about right.  What'll you two have, Prof? -- My turn to pay AGAIN? When's the reciprocal part?  What dish would  you  recommend today, Hermen?  -- For you two, the Roast ParaDucks.  Why so glum this time, Student? -- My thesis has been rejected, Hermen! Dismissed as mere fairy tale. -- Sucks, man. Says who? -- My brothers G...

  COMEDY NIGHT AT PHILOSOPHY CAFE Knock knock Who's there? Just  Just who? Just Jests Hey Hermen, what's this in aid of? Comedy Night on Saturday? That's tonight! Will it be noisy? I come here for contemplative peace and quiet. Well you're supposed to be a Stoic, Philosopher, so just put up with it. I thought you were a latter-day Epictetus.  But WHY host a Black Humour Night?  Because Black Laughs Matter. All matters matter, to a philosopher   (unless  you're a Skeptic).  Are Black Laughs loud laughs?  Hope so. It's a fundraiser. Raising funds for what? Food Bank. Why? Is it one of those weird international ones? Bank's vault is empty? It's a bank  for  food, Idiot. You really do keep your head in the clouds if you don't know what the Food Bank is. It's public-spirited. You know, like ... helping the poor. Oh. Then why not raise funds for the Wine Bank? That would be really public-spirited. Anyway, "Just Jests" is the comedy group we...